![]() ![]() NC (voiceover): So we see this assassin guy going after…well, a dinosaur, as he tries to kill him by…letting loose a butterfly. After Mankind is extinct, Kane will reanimate the pairs of all earth’s animals he keeps frozen in his ark. Narrator: Billionaire Elizar Kane will launch his New Eden Missile to bring on another Ice Age. NC (voiceover): So we start off with our intro that pretty much looks like a bad Powerpoint presentation. NC: So…as if you honestly need to ask why this movie didn’t work, let’s take a look at Theodore Rex. Who would throw money at this, thinking they would honestly get it back? And for that matter, how did they manage to even get some of these people? I mean, they’re not gigantic names, but I’m seriously surprised that every actor didn’t change their name to Alan Smithee after watching this shit-fest. NC (voiceover): Man, and I mean MAN, is this weird! I just don’t get who thought this had potential. (The movie’s title screen is shown again, followed by clips from the movie as NC speaks) Oh, I got it! How about Damon Wayans and that gecko from the GEICO commercials? (A Photoshopped picture of the two together is shown, and the same graphic and sound are played) No, no, wait for summer…oh! I’ve got it! I really got it! (laughs) How about Whoopi Goldberg and one of the dinosaurs from that TGIF sitcom? (A Photoshopped picture of the two together is shown, and the same graphic and sound are played one more time) Fuck you, I’m lazy." Theodore Rex! ![]() Why don’t we take an A-minus-list actor and whatever the hell’s popular right now and team ‘em both together? Hmm, now let’s see, uh, oh! I know! How about Betty White and the Ninja Turtles? (A Photoshopped picture of the two together is shown, followed by a red “X” that covers it and a buzzer noise) No, no, no, ooh! How about William Shatner and Pokémon? (A Photoshopped picture of the two together is shown, and the same graphic and sound are played) No, no, it’s too obvious. And that’s the premise! The premise is so stupid I can’t even begin with it! So let’s begin with how they came up with the premise: some jackass executives are in an office saying, “Hey! We’ve got to make some money real quick while putting absolutely no effort into it. NC: (chuckles) Where do I even begin with this? Whoopi Goldberg and a dinosaur go solving crimes-nope! Can’t even begin with that. (The title screen for Theodore Rex is shown) ![]()
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |